Sunday, February 19, 2012

one last night

In the days leading up till now, I've imagined myself writing this nice poetic blog post on the night before I meet my brothers. But, right now as I sit down to try to do just that, I just can not put my thoughts and emotions into words. It's not something that can really be described. I think to truly understand these feelings, one has to really go through the same thing, it's just not something you can put into words.

Tonight is their last night as orphans. I can't believe I'm actually saying that. So many days I've thought about what I would feel on this very last night before we get them. I'm excited, I'm nervous...I feel so many different things at once.

I am going to meet my brothers tomorrow. I can't even explain how long it seems I've been waiting to say that. I am trying to remind myself that yes, I may be nervous and anxious, but I need to try to put myself in their shoes. How are they feeling on this last night without a family? What kind of emotions are they feeling? They have been waiting their entire lives for this day to come. They don't have any idea what to expect, and after years and years of not having a family this is all going to change tomorrow.

I think of the many things that I've been having to deal with in a different country--different foods, different smells and sounds. Yet, these young children, who are just 9 and 4 years old are going to leave everything they have ever known and go live with a family they know absolutely nothing about and live in a completely different country. I can not even imagine what that would be like. These boys are the bravest people I know. They might not know it, but what they are about to go through is something I don't think I could ever do. They are inspiring, they're my heroes. These boys are my brothers, and though I have yet to meet them and hug them, I love them already. They're already a part of our family.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be the oldest of six children, I'm really going to have two more little brothers. Right now I think I am the most blessed big sister in the entire world. I am so thankful to have all these younger kids in my family. I know that we're always going to be the best of friends, and while we might have our moments, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the entire world. I pray that I can be a good big sister to them, that I would be helpful and always there for them.

Tonight as I think about all this, I feel as if I could melt into a pile of tears and mixed emotions just hearing the word "tomorrow." I don't know what to expect, and neither do these boys. However, God does. It's not a mystery to Him. Through the hard times, and the wonderful joyous times, I want to be able to remember that. Thank you to each and every one of you for your continued prayers, they mean so much to me and my family. Words cannot express how thankful we are to know so many people have been praying for us during this.