Thursday, December 29, 2011


Yesterday, as I woke up, I sat in bed for just a few minutes longer before I got up. The sun was streaming in through my open curtains, and Moriah had just run in screaming "Happy Birthday!" It was a sunny day, though there was still snow on the ground. And I could hear my family decorating the dining room with balloons and streamers, hurrying to finish before I woke up. 

Yesterday was my fourteenth birthday. It was a beautiful day--cheesecake, spending time with family, perfect weather. Birthdays are wonderful things. I love being able to take one day out of the year to celebrate someone's life--with presents, friends & family, and of course, cake. While there's so much excitement wrapped up in birthdays, I think that sometimes, there is an aspect of melancholy that comes along with them. 

My whole year of being thirteen is gone. Another year of my life that I will never get back. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could go back to being a little tiny girl again. I wish I could go back to past Christmases or trips to the beach. Sitting on top of my father's shoulders and feeling like I could see the whole world from up there. I can remember times when we would pretend that we were pioneers outside in the heat of the afternoon. I miss being really little and tying blankets around my shoulders and pretending to be a super hero. I miss bringing my dolls with me everywhere and having daily tea parties.

Especially on my birthday, I often wish that I could go back in time and tell that little girl in the pink dress to savor those short sweet moment of being so little. Then I realize that maybe I should tell this girl in the dark wash jeans the same thing--to savor the moment, no matter what age I am. Soon, another year will be gone, and I'll be just another year older. 

This last year of my life has been such a year of growth and learning. My life has been impacted in so many ways over this last year--so many things have happened. I've had so many new experiences, and I wouldn't dare try to list every amazing thing that has gone on in this last year. With each year that passes, I find myself different and changed by everything that the Lord puts in my life. And oh, I am so thankful. 
Along with thinking about this last year, I start to wonder about the one ahead of me. I know that it's going to be a huge year of change. Switching schools, going to China, adding two more family members--and everything else that God has in store for me. While I could be terrified at this realization of all that's ahead of me, I'm not. I know that God has already planned this next year, and my whole life already. He already knows how this trip to China will be. He already knows what I'll face with changing schools. He knows that there will be times where I'll feel as if I can't go any father and I'll be completely exhausted, but he's going to give me those moments for a reason. Every obstacle I face, every triumph that I celebrate, every change I'll endure--it's all for my good, and more importantly, His glory.  I pray with all of my heart that above all, I will give glory to my Father in Heaven through this next year. 

Yes, sometimes I wish I could be a little girl again. Sometimes I crave for the times when I didn't have a care in the world. However, I've come to realize, that should I have stayed a little girl, there would be so much I would miss out on. I am nowhere close to being grown, and I still have so much of my life ahead of me. Through everything, I want to remember that my life has been perfectly orchestrated by the creator of all things. Though I get discouraged and fearful, and wish for the past--the present and the future are so exciting. I have so much to look forward to, and I think that this year of being fourteen will be wonderful. I hope that God will give me the grace and strength to live this year {as well as the rest of my life} for Him and to honor Him through it. When I turn fifteen, and I look back on this year of being fourteen, I pray that it will have been the best year yet. 

So thankful. So encouraged. So ready for this next year. 

p.s. i wanted to thank you all for all of your sweet words on my post titled honestly. you all encouraged me so much through your comments, and i am so thankful. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

life as of late.

Shopping, eating candy canes, staying in pajamas until 11 am. Sigh, there's nothing about this time of year that I don't like. Last night, as I was sleeping, the world was covered in a blanket of snow. When I woke  this morning, everything was white. Y'all know how much I love snow changing seasons, but honestly I was disappointed to have to cancel some plans because of the weather. However, it has been so nice to be able to muse around the house with nothing I really have to do. 

This week has been so very nice. Without the pressure of school to weigh on my shoulders, it is so indescribably nice to have time to do this or that. This week has been full of Christmas preparations. Shopping, baking, decorating, and spending time together as a family, of course. 

Today has been...


>>wrapping gifts.

>>Hanging pictures on my inspiration wall.

It's been a good day, even though it started in a bit of disappointment. Now, I'm off to eat some soup and watch the snow fall.

How has your day been?


Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Life has been crazy lately. Probably because it's December, and well, we all know that's a very busy month. 
The past few weeks have just been hard. I find myself worrying about the upcoming adoption far too much. I need to take a step back and realize this isn't about me. These boys need a home, and we need them. At the same time, while I'm fearful, I'm so excited. It's a hard feeling to put into words. I've imagined the day that we will meet them so many times. Will they cry? Will they be happy? What will we even say to them? We're going to be a family of eight.
 We're getting so very close to traveling, just two more months. I keep picturing myself walking out of the plane into China. I've dreamed of going to this country for so long, and now, this dream is becoming a reality. It's hard to believe, but I am thrilled. 

Just this morning I was thinking about all this. I have so many questions I wish could be answered. It will be so nice when we can just deal with everything, instead of wondering and speculating. My mom found the most adorable video this morning that I think really puts everything into perspective. These kids need families. 

I seriously can't wait until I'll be in China. I'm going to walk on the great wall, I'm going to experience all these things that I've only ever heard about. There will be new things on every corner, new adventures everywhere. I can't wait. 

There's a song that I've recently re-discovered. It makes me sob every time I hear it, but it's beautiful and so well describes how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking about. 

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

Thursday, December 1, 2011

december first.

Today is the first of December. Can you believe it? It snowed today--quite an appropriate beginning to December, if you ask me. It's starting to actually feel like winter, it's bitter cold, people are walking around town in boots, coats, and gloves, and the air smells of Christmas cookies. Our Christmas tree is up, I think it would be safe to say that our tree is a miss-mash of memories. Every year, our grandparents give us each an ornament on Thanksgiving day. Sometimes the ornaments are just fun, sometimes they represent something that happened that year or something we're looking forward to. I absolutely love pulling out the boxes and boxes of ornaments, each of them bring back a flood of memories. My favorite ornament we have would have to be the little Asian girl holding a lantern with a little Chinese house next to her--we got it while we were waiting to bring Moriah home. There are ornaments from my parents' childhoods, ornaments from trips we've taken, and from school that we've made over the years. I love waking up each morning, looking at it, and remembering different times from the past.

As the snow is falling, I'm sitting in our warm house, on the couch with a bunch of blankets. Today was a good day, I got to spend time with a friend, get a lot of school work accomplished, and now spend time with my family in the evening hours of the day. I'm looking forward to December--with Christmas celebrations, a break from school, seeing family, and my birthday, it's shaping up to be a very good month. I'm excited to see what December will bring.