today

Today, I am missing China. I'm remembering all the unfamiliar smells, the sounds of the traffic, the beckoning of the street vendors as they tried to sell you an array of different things. I remember how the streets were covered in trash, how people were digging through dumpsters, how many would beg on the sidewalks for money. Not a day goes by where I don't think about China.

The most precious memories I have of my short time in that country, are the memories that were made when I was able to visit a foster home there. It was only six short months ago that I was there, but it feels as if it has been a life time. But, those two or three hours that we spent in that room with those precious and special children are some of the very best hours of my life.

I remember staring into those children's eyes, looking at their sweet faces, hugging their small bodies. I remember sitting on the floor of that foster home, silently praying that God would bring them the perfect families, in His perfect time. When the time for us to leave came, I did not want to go. I didn't want to leave. As we closed the door of the foster home, I cried. I cried because I wanted to bring every single one of those children home. I cried because every single child should know what it's like to be loved by a family. I cried because it broke my heart to know that while they were being taken care of so well, they still needed a real home, with a mommy and daddy. My heart hurt for them.

Every day since then, I think about those children. I have pictures of them up on my bedroom walls, so that I will never forget. I pray that the Lord will bring them to the perfect families someday soon.  My heart absolutely swells with a longing to go back to China, and such a love for the children there, that I could burst. Yesterday, as I was in the car, my mom told me on the phone that two, possibly even three of those precious children have families! I cannot even tell you how thrilled I was, my heart was so incredibly happy and so thankful! To know that these children will be a part of a family and know what it is like to be loved makes me overjoyed. How great is our God.

the adventure is just beginning.

"You need to start blogging again!" my friend says. "I know," I reply, "but I feel like I wouldn't know where to begin or how to start again...there's too much to say and not enough time." 

If you could look in my drafts, you would see that I have really tried to start again. There have been days where I have made myself sit down and try to blog again, but the words never come. Maybe it's because so much has happened recently that I don't know how to even begin to tell you about this Summer. Then again, maybe it's that I feel like I just can't put things into the right words. 

But, I've missed it this Summer--being able to just sit and pour out my thoughts into this blank white box, waiting to be filled with words. While writing is often one of my favorite things, it can also be something that frustrates me and fills me with intimidation. I struggle with what I should say--are these thoughts things that I want to share with the whole world? Or are they things that are better kept inside? 

I have decided though, that this little space of the Internet is something similar to what my life would be like if it was written in a book form. It would be an odd book. Some parts of it would be terribly exciting, while other parts, filled with tears. There would be chapter after long chapter that would be boring and seem quite useless all together. Maybe there would be sections that would keep you turning page after page, wondering what was going to happen next. Yet, as silly as this all may sound, that is how my life is. It's a story. A new page is added to it every day. The best part is that I'm not even the author of it--God is. 

So, naturally, if my life is like an ongoing book, then this blog would follow suit. As I live out this adventure, I want to be able to chronicle it as it happens. I want to cherish it. The ups and downs, the heartache, the struggles, the joys, the laughter. Just, life. In all it's messiness. 

Finally, after a blogging break that has lasted far too long, I'm back. Excited and ready. The adventure is just beginning.