Thursday, December 29, 2011


Yesterday, as I woke up, I sat in bed for just a few minutes longer before I got up. The sun was streaming in through my open curtains, and Moriah had just run in screaming "Happy Birthday!" It was a sunny day, though there was still snow on the ground. And I could hear my family decorating the dining room with balloons and streamers, hurrying to finish before I woke up. 

Yesterday was my fourteenth birthday. It was a beautiful day--cheesecake, spending time with family, perfect weather. Birthdays are wonderful things. I love being able to take one day out of the year to celebrate someone's life--with presents, friends & family, and of course, cake. While there's so much excitement wrapped up in birthdays, I think that sometimes, there is an aspect of melancholy that comes along with them. 

My whole year of being thirteen is gone. Another year of my life that I will never get back. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could go back to being a little tiny girl again. I wish I could go back to past Christmases or trips to the beach. Sitting on top of my father's shoulders and feeling like I could see the whole world from up there. I can remember times when we would pretend that we were pioneers outside in the heat of the afternoon. I miss being really little and tying blankets around my shoulders and pretending to be a super hero. I miss bringing my dolls with me everywhere and having daily tea parties.

Especially on my birthday, I often wish that I could go back in time and tell that little girl in the pink dress to savor those short sweet moment of being so little. Then I realize that maybe I should tell this girl in the dark wash jeans the same thing--to savor the moment, no matter what age I am. Soon, another year will be gone, and I'll be just another year older. 

This last year of my life has been such a year of growth and learning. My life has been impacted in so many ways over this last year--so many things have happened. I've had so many new experiences, and I wouldn't dare try to list every amazing thing that has gone on in this last year. With each year that passes, I find myself different and changed by everything that the Lord puts in my life. And oh, I am so thankful. 
Along with thinking about this last year, I start to wonder about the one ahead of me. I know that it's going to be a huge year of change. Switching schools, going to China, adding two more family members--and everything else that God has in store for me. While I could be terrified at this realization of all that's ahead of me, I'm not. I know that God has already planned this next year, and my whole life already. He already knows how this trip to China will be. He already knows what I'll face with changing schools. He knows that there will be times where I'll feel as if I can't go any father and I'll be completely exhausted, but he's going to give me those moments for a reason. Every obstacle I face, every triumph that I celebrate, every change I'll endure--it's all for my good, and more importantly, His glory.  I pray with all of my heart that above all, I will give glory to my Father in Heaven through this next year. 

Yes, sometimes I wish I could be a little girl again. Sometimes I crave for the times when I didn't have a care in the world. However, I've come to realize, that should I have stayed a little girl, there would be so much I would miss out on. I am nowhere close to being grown, and I still have so much of my life ahead of me. Through everything, I want to remember that my life has been perfectly orchestrated by the creator of all things. Though I get discouraged and fearful, and wish for the past--the present and the future are so exciting. I have so much to look forward to, and I think that this year of being fourteen will be wonderful. I hope that God will give me the grace and strength to live this year {as well as the rest of my life} for Him and to honor Him through it. When I turn fifteen, and I look back on this year of being fourteen, I pray that it will have been the best year yet. 

So thankful. So encouraged. So ready for this next year. 

p.s. i wanted to thank you all for all of your sweet words on my post titled honestly. you all encouraged me so much through your comments, and i am so thankful.